My Testimony
I think the best way for me to share fully how faithful our Father has been to me, is if I tell of this life and my choices from the beginning. I have found that almost everything in sacred scripture and sacred tradition touches some part of something else, I want to give a more full picture. Our Father has interwoven a beautiful and rich tapestry in creation and in us. I think it is important to give full context to my testimony to give a deeper understanding of God’s grace and mercy.
I was born in the summer of 1987, to a cradle catholic father and a converted mother. I was the baby of our current family of two older brothers and one older sister. I was baptized as an infant, and even just started catechism classes before my parents divorce at the age of 4. .
My mother was granted full custody, and a visitation schedule set for every other weekend, and two full weeks in the summer with shared holidays for my father.
Our stepfather was hurting from his own maltreatment and abuse, and more often than not lost his battle with sin and temptations in his heart and mind.
My new stepfather may not have been a bad man, but he had bad tendencies. I used to harbor such a raw hatred for him. For the things he put our family through. It took so long for me to learn how to forgive him. Unfortunately it was after he passed, but I pray for his soul often.
We moved out west, and lived the fulfilled dreams of my stepfather and mother. They bought a ranch, and we mostly had fun. New Mexico holds fond memory fragments for me. I went to public school and made friends with our neighbor. We would tease my older brother and his older sister , just silly childish things. For a time, my oldest sister moved in with our father, while we lived in New Mexico.
I am not certain on the exact timeline of events, but the ranch was sold and I am told that we lived in one of the Carolinas (I can never remember which). Then we ended up back in Georgia where I was in second grade.
I had friends during those elementary school years, and had only just begun to realize that we were financially lacking. So I feigned indifference for sports and other extra curriculars, which ultimately came as a pro and con later on in life.
During these years, God blessed our mother with three additional children. My younger sisters, twins and one born a few years after. It was this time I think that really cemented for me at a young age that I wanted to be a father and have a family.
Through the next stage of life, I was faced with several tests of faith, and in my pain I began turning away from Our Heavenly Father.
I was around 11 years old when this time period started, and went through mostly normal things. Some abuse, growing up quickly, etc. I am embarrassed at how much I let temporal circumstances warp my faithful perspective and how easily my focus was turned from God to myself.
We all have personal trials and tribulations. We are all blessed with moments that give us the opportunity to glorify God in how we respond. Over the next number of years of my life, I did not glorify God and in fact had turned and showed Him my back.
As I got older, around 14 I think, I was first introduced to drugs through marijuana, and I was instantly infatuated. I really liked how functionally numb it made me. I had a small number of really good friends and we would hang out outside of school and play music, smoke, and drink.
I was turning more and more to the world, and thinking less and less about Our Father. Over the next number of years I dabbled in mind altering drugs, hallucinogens, and really just waiting to have time to get high and escape the reality of the world.
I graduated high school, on time and by the grace of God, then drifted for a few months. I ended up joining the military, and it was such a blessing from God. However, I was still behaving foolishly and ended up getting my contract cut short. I was almost 20, and felt like my life was practically over.
God blessed me with stable and consistent enough people in my life that I was essentially carried into the next stage of life. I was still being pretty foolish and living in the world. I rarely thought of God, and never went to church.
Thank God, I had a stable job, and could mostly support myself. I met my wife of now 14 years where we both worked for a short time.
My wife and I married each other outside of the church. We had been hurt by people who were in churches we were in, and we had the misplaced idea that they represented God. We were unintentionally listening to the lies of satan and looking away from Our Father.
When we got married, it was a civil ceremony. We did not include God in our marriage ceremony, and this was further fueled by our pain and hurt in our hearts.
Over the next year, almost two, we partied together and basically lived a relatively hedonistic life. Now that is not to say that we did not want a family to include children together, but we were not at a point that we were living to make that possible.
A short time later, we decided to actively start trying to have children. My wife got pregnant and several months after our first daughter was born I started working at my first job in my profession.
I was admittedly working long hours, chasing money through overtime. I was sacrificing time with my wife and our daughter for more money, and to be honest that little bit extra never made me happy; but I was conditioned to want it.
We were still living foolishly, especially myself, but trying to hide the socially undesirable acts. For me that was consuming drugs and pornography. Living in the world and being a part of it as well.
We were getting ready to buy and move into our first home when our daughter was about 4. We moved from East Point to Jackson Ga. It was a welcomed change, and with it brought my wife’s fervent desire for us to raise our daughter in a church. For my part, I agreed, if only for the “moral teachings”.
We started visiting churches, and God was softening my heart, and really driving my wife to get us into a church family. I would make excuses on why we didn’t need to go every Sunday, and our relationship is personal; blah, blah, blah.
Eventually we settled in at a Protestant church. My wife and I really started reconnecting with Our Father, and turning our face to look at God again. We had seasons of growth and fervor, and dryness and stagnation, but overwhelmingly we were reconnecting with God.
I was feeling especially convicted of my intermittent vape use and pornography consumption, and through my foolishness and subdued rebellion, God was always there when I would really turn to Him.
During this time we welcomed our second daughter, and we were actively pursuing Christ in our marriage and our lives. I have to admit that I still felt some resistance to fully relinquishing “control of My Life”, and was trusting more in my decisions.
As the next couple of years went by, my wife and I were really growing in our relationship with God. I started to intentionally read scripture and have meditative prayer which came with insights into the scripture that our pastor would then preach about the following Sunday. Once this started to become a pattern, I mentioned it to my wife and she encouraged me to keep reading and studying.
My wife has always had a fascination with the Catholic Church, and I started to feel like I was being led to look into it. I thought I knew church and theological history, so I never really dug into it previously.
As I was reading and studying, I started to have questions. Questions that led me to look at church history, and those lead me to earnestly seek the Holy Spirit for guidance.
Once I did, I was confronted with a fact. I did not really know anything, and what I was learning really led me to pray and cry out to God for guidance.
Through fervent prayer and seeking Christ, I was compelled to apologize to my wife about not taking her previous mentions of Our Mother and other things seriously.
We went to a local parish, and started OCIA classes last fall. We were confirmed into the Holy Catholic Church on the Easter Vigil this year, and it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
God was patiently waiting on us to come home all these years. Through faithful prayers of family and loved ones, we were brought into full communion with Christ’s church.
I am humbled to say that Christ through the Holy Spirit has separated me from the vices that plagued me for most of my adult life. While my pride stripped bare and my soul raw and exposed to the grace of God. I sincerely and fervently cried out for help and surrendered like never before, and he heard me and helped me. His grace applied, by the intercession of Our Blessed Mother, restored my heart and helped me fall more in love with Jesus.
Praise God for all he has done in and for me. Our Mother has helped heal my heart, and our brothers and sisters in Christ are always praying for us. Glory be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
