Category: Noah’s Thoughts

I would be dishonest if I was not forthcoming in how I have been struggling with a handful of little things. I think that the trap that is so easy to fall into is thinking that things should not feel so hard sometimes.

I know that I have different struggles than the saints of the church that came before me, and honestly I feel like there is not much I should even be struggling with. I start to feed into the trap of the enemy that I am worthless, and that I am struggling because I have no faith.

I wonder how many of us slip into struggle, by falling into the beginnings of despair worrying about things we should be giving to Our Lord; but instead we hold onto them because we think that God shouldn’t have to deal with this.

Our Father wants us to come to Him for all things, especially when we start to think that maybe He shouldn’t have to help us. We are made strong by Him, and only through admitting our need and coming to Our Lord can we hope to endure.

Being slowly crushed by our stranglehold on our problems is not helpful, and Our Heavenly Father does not want us to do that to ourselves. If we cannot let go of things, we should examine why we really are holding on.

It has taken me almost two weeks to write all this down. I have walked into distraction, and entertained self pity and castigation. I am just now being led out the other side of this pit, and pray that we are all open to being led to the restful waters of Our Lord.

While I was driving in this morning praying the sorrowful mysteries, specifically the crowning with thorns. I have read and listened to others say it, but this morning it finally clicked for me. I think it was a combination of listening to the catechism in a year this morning and praying the rosary also.

The crown of thorns is a hyper example of humility. An example for us in moments when pride threatens to overcome us, to infiltrate our hearts and minds. When the “weight” of the gift of life leads us towards bitterness, or resentment.

We can look to the crown Our Lord wears for us, and draw strength in our weakness. I try, and fall down constantly, to remember His humility and love especially when I am feeling the stirring of frustrations. Which honestly stem from a prideful root, for me anyhow.

I take a moment, think of the crown of thorns, give Him what I cannot handle gracefully, and remember what He bore for my sake. As long as I am not intent on staying in those emotions, I am blessed with peace. Even if I feel the pull to stay frustrated our spiteful, the conviction after is so intense that I have to beg for forgiveness and give all of it God as an offering.

The crown of thorns is literally the antidote for pride. Whenever you feel the prickling in your heart or mind at “why did this happen to me?”, or “I don’t deserver this.” Remember the crown of thorns that God wore for you, so we might be saved by His love. Praise God.

We should give everything we have to God, and I don’t mean only our praise, worship, love, etc. Our Heavenly Father wants all of us, and wants us to be sanctified and made holy by His love. That can only happen when we stop holding back.

I mean we have to offer up willingly our pride, our ego, our anger at a loved one. We can’t only offer up what we think will be pleasing in our minds: good days, easy sacrifice, etc.

Unless we can willingly give God all of ourselves, we are restricted in how much of His love we can partake. I say this out of implementation. Very recently, I felt this was revealed in a moment of weakness and pride; so I started giving God my anger at a situation. I prayed silently “Father please accept my anger at X. Please take it from me, it is too much for me alone.” I immediately felt like I had been consoled. I was still frustrated, but not to the chaotic degree I was in. This was something we could together that I could not do on my own. Now I pray something like that out loud when possible as well.

I had never really thought about how much I was intrinsically holding back from God. Like I knew He knew, but I didn’t make the decision to offer it up. I would ask for intercession, but not actually offering it to Him. I would end up offering what I wanted and not everything.

God is a loving Father, and truly wants all of us. Otherwise His grace cannot do all that He intends for us.

Let’s pray for each other, and give even our most undesirable parts to God. So we can receive His love and be healed.

One of the things I became most ready and excited for in my journey home was being able to fully participate in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. It started as a patient bearable ache, but eventually grew into a sharp pain. It felt like I was missing a limb I never even knew existed.

The outpouring of love from God in Christ Jesus to us is quite literally tangible. The mystery of the Eucharist enriches our faith. I think maybe that the seed of faith in our hearts matures in partaking of the body and blood of Our Lord. It is a blessing to every one of the faithful.

Not only does God feed our souls, but he literally provides sustenance to us in the bread of the presence and wine in the offering of libation. Time folds over on itself as we enter into the liturgy of the Eucharist. That can only happen because heaven gathers around Jesus as the priest consecrates the host, as Jesus becomes physically present in the bread and wine.

Just a quick side note- the whole of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is heaven and earth touching, I am just talking about the Holy Eucharist in this instance.

As we kneel and say the words of the centurion ( a non Jew at the time) – Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof. But only say the words and my soul shall be healed. As we walk up the aisle. We want to approach with the spirit of chaste bride, although I sometimes feel like a dirty beggar. It is that feeling of less than and being unworthy that I’m pretty sure either come from my flesh or Satan. Either way, I know I need Him more the more I feel that way.

I’ll be honest, that sometimes I feel like I have squandered the grace and mercy that come with the communion by fussing with my children or picking at my wife. I used to make excuses, that’s just how I am; blah blah. Praise God for his work in my heart, and I know that those things can be healed and my love for my family can be sanctified, and sanctifying.

I will do whatever can be done to come to Mass on Sunday, and sometimes I even make it to weekday services. This Lent I want to start adding in adoration time as well, so I can be near Our Lord more.

Let us draw from the never empty wellspring of God’s grace, mercy, and love. Let us adorn our own crosses and share the love of Christ however we can.

A couple of months ago, a men’s group was started at the parish I go to. It is a small group for the moment, but the size of the group makes it close by nature.

We met yesterday evening, and it was so good. Praise God for faithful and loving brothers in Christ. We are discussing the gospel of John which is so deep. We stayed mostly on track, but we had a few tangent conversations. In my opinion the sidebars added to the authenticity of the fellowship.

I do have to admit that I was still more withdrawn, or at least not as forthcoming as one of my brothers in Christ. I am resolved to beg for prayers of courage to be more open in future meetings.

I digress. We spent two hours that went by far quicker than I could have imagined. Which is incredible considering we have only known each other for a relatively short time. It is a testament to how unifying God can be.

It is so important that we spend time in prayer and sacred scripture on our own. It is equally as important that we spend this time together with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

My hope for this group is that we can build a strong foundation of fellowship, and raise each other up in prayer and love. In doing so, that over time our numbers grow. In our growth, I fervently hope and desire that we can reach out to our community in more and more ways. Sharing the love of Christ, and being filled by Christ’s love as we do this.

Please pray for us and our group of men, but especially that we all can spend time in fellowship with our faith communities.

Where did the bible come from? This was a question that I asked as I was being led to my spiritual home in the Holy Catholic Church. I mean really where did it come from?

Well blessedly we have pretty good documentation from different members of the Church throughout history. We can trace all the way back to the apostles letters being transcribed, and even what the canonization process was like; thanks to the documentation from the ecumenical councils.

I think most Christians can agree that sacred scripture (the bible) is the inspired word of God. Written by man, guided by the Holy Spirit. It is infallible, but we are not. This is likely how the reformers were able to wreak so much havoc in the canons of scripture.

Once I took an honest look at what was preserved as far as historical documentation, it became crystal clear. The Holy Church that Christ gave us, produced the collection of scriptures that we know as the bible.

Let’s look at a brief timeline:

officially in 382 – Council of Rome under Pope Damasus affirmed the 73 book canon.

This canon was reaffirmed in 393 – Council of Hippo

397- Council of Carthage

The discussion was officially closed in 1442 – Council of Florence

We have to be able to look at the historical documents of the Holy Catholic Church with the same level of belief we have for secular historical texts. Once I applied the same scrutiny and belief to the Churches history, it is more compelling than most historical accounts.

The bible is true, and so is the Church that it flowered from. Which is why it is so important that we read sacred scripture in the context that Church intended. Lest we end up with a new fracture.

As I found myself coming into the Lenten season, I was filled with the hopefulness that my brothers and sisters in Christ would be more closely united as we fast, repent, and do acts of penitence. I am hopeful that the actions of Lent will draw the body of Christ on earth together.

I do fervently hope that we, as the body of Our Lord, will carry the love that has grown in our hearts beyond this season and even past Easter. That as we draw near through the works of Lent, as we cast off the chains of the flesh, that we continue this momentum until we join those who have faithfully finished the race.

The gospel reading from Ash Wednesday really struck a chord in me. I don’t want my reward now, and I don’t want the praise of men. I do however want someone to look at what I have done with the things God has entrusted to me and say, “That was definitely a Christian.”

I want all of mankind, not just my brothers and sisters in Christ, to know the love of God. To know the depth of His love, in the revelation of Christ. I think that if we do things not to seek attention or approval from men, but with a fervent love of God and a desire to give all of us to Him, that He will be with us and quite possibly do great things through us. Quite possibly how we treat our coworker might be the difference in whether or not they decide to open their bible, or return to church. It might even be the reason they come home to Christ’s church.

Anything done by God is good, but what a joy for us to be a part of it. I hope and pray that the charity of Christ will grow and make our hearts able to hold and partake more in the exchange of love of the Holy Trinity. Not just for Lent, but flowing through our lives like a tide that never recedes.

May God bless and keep you all.

Sometimes it is easy to fall into the trap that things need to be just right for us to “feel God”. That conditions should fall within certain parameters for us to “connect with God”, or even more for our prayers to be better heard.

The truth I think is somewhere between, and much more grey of an area. I do think that at historic Christian sites there is a feeling of God’s presence, or at least the love of and from God to and from those that came before in these places.

When climb on the shoulders, and into the arms of the early church fathers, the mothers, the doctors of the church. The church has blessed us with such fruits of labor. Labor created by God, and His love. We are able to learn so much from our brothers and sisters.

We need to open our hearts, lower our eyes, elevate our minds. We cannot impact God’s love, we can only change how we can partake in it. A heart open to God’s love is more likely to grow in its capacity to hold His love. Eyes cast down in submission, in reverence, are more likely to behold the hem of His garment passing near us. Minds lifted to God, are more likely to ascend the ladder through humility.

Thusly we can feel God more and more, when we become more and more aware of Him. Through prayer, contemplation, and love. Let’s raise one another that we can all become the saints that God so fervently desires for us to be.

While I was getting ready this morning I was thinking about God’s love. I was going down the road of thought, that I cannot make God love me more. Nothing I do can or will earn His love, or make me more or less worthy. So what is it that actually changes?

I think the only thing we can do, as we respond to God’s grace and mercy we are changed little by little. We are able to receive more of God’s love, not that the amount He loves us changes, but our ability to receive, process, hold, and exchange love with Our Father that changes. The change is in us, and only us.

We open our hearts to God by varying degrees and ways. By little ways, in busying ourselves with His work, with Christ’s mission. You know, as the one who sent Christ, He sends us. Charity really is a root of what our work should be. Charity – in time, in love, in food, in clothing, in community with each other.

As we do these things, we open our heart more and more to God, and then something miraculous happens. We are able to be filled with more of God’s love. In turn if we continue to do the work of the one who sent Christ (God the Father), then we are able to receive more of His love.

I found myself really struggling with the stupidest things that really boiled down to pride with a little bit of comfort disruption, and laziness. I have been more joyful the last couple of weeks, and these things have barely been a whisper to me. I think I finally stopped trying to “hear God”, or “find out what His will is in this situation.”, and I prayed when I began to feel the tension and hear the whispers to whip up my emotions. I asked my guardian angel, and my brothers and sisters in Heaven to pray for me, specifically what my issue was, and then I stopped worrying about it.

It was almost an overnight change. I just realized that unless “I” focused on these things, they were of no consequence any longer. So I stopped looking for them.

Sometimes our pain, hurt, fear, or whatever we are dealing with; sometimes it is more comfortable than the unknown of love. Love for who caused the damage. Loving God through the discomfort, accepting His love in our downward moments.

Let’s pray for each other, for hearts open to God’s love, and the strength to surrender ourselves to it.

I felt like there was a small, but major revelation during my morning rosary during my drive into work. I was praying the sorrowful mysteries, and when I started the last decade; right near the end of the like second or third Hail Mary this thought came to my mind.

As we end the Hail Mary: “Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and and at the hour of our death.” I pictured us as brothers of Christ, as children of Our Blessed Mother, crying out from the cross, from our cross. Asking, pleading to Our Mother to pray for us. To give us the comfort that a loving mother provides.

How close to Christ can we draw if die to our flesh, whatever particular sin or inclination we are struggling with; if we cry out to Mary, as Christ did when in his final agony. How loving is the mother that Jesus shares with us that she will pray for us. That Christ’s forgiveness and mercy so directly flows into Her; that even though Her son was sacrificed for us, she loves us still.

Then I was given the thought not just like Christ on the cross, but also like Mary suffering the sorrowful birth pains of the Messiah. Jesus gives us not just a model, but so many branches in our family tree to call upon for intercession, for help, for love. Least of all His Mother!

Let our hearts break for one another and our silent suffering, and may Christ’s unending charity flow through us. May our hearts never empty when drawn from His eternal well spring of goodness.

Never underestimate the suffering your neighbor or loved ones may keep to themselves. Let us give love to each other, as much and as often as we can.